hi readers!

is anyone still out there? i am so sad that my blog fell by the wayside a few years back, but i'm back with news! i'm excited to launch a new site HERE with my husband (yep!) and fellow KAD. i think you're going to
enjoy it and i know you're going to love him! follow us over and let's catch up.

xoxo.

i'm proud to feature a guest blogger this mother's day weekend. my dear friend heidi & her husband josh are currently going through the process to adopt a child from ethiopia. heidi and i first met in college, and since that time, i've been ever-aware that she undoubtedly has the biggest heart and kindest spirit of anyone i've ever met. i'm happy to be able to share that sweet spirit with you here today...
*****

An odd bond is building in my heart.
Surprisingly it's not with who I thought it would be with.
I thought that at this point I would be daydreaming of my child and what they might be like. While I obviously think of them, the person that these days I cannot seem to get out of my head is their mother. Somewhere halfway around the world there is a woman that I do not know anything about and I will most likely never meet or even know her name, but somehow we are bonded together in a way that few other humans ever are. Somewhere there is a woman who is the mother of our baby. I didn’t know how I would feel about the birth mother. Honestly, before we started the process, other than what I might say to my child when they asked, I had given little thought to her. Now, she seems to be all I can think of. I hope with all my heart that she is still alive, loving our baby.

It is very hard to describe and even harder to understand, but I often think of her and try to imagine what she might be doing. I wonder who she is, what she looks like, what her life is like. Mostly though I pray for her. Whatever reason there will be for my child to become adoptable will mean heartache, devastation and possibly even death for her. It's strange to realize that there is a point coming soon where, though we will never meet, our lives will combine in an incredible way. I think this is where the hard part starts. I want our baby to be with us, for this process to speed up and to get them quickly. But I know that for this to happen first there must be heartache. What is coming towards them that will rip their family apart? What tragedy is about to take this mother away from her baby forever? These are the thoughts that consume my mind and keep me up at night. Out of all the stresses and struggles of this process it is this one piece that I continually feel I need to cover with prayer 100 times a day. I am truly feeling the grief and loss of this family along with them and at times it is overwhelming.

So what does this mean for me? For today? Well, for today all those thoughts and feelings bring me to this… somewhere halfway around the world is my sweet precious baby…. and with all my heart I hope that right now, they are with their mother. I know that this cannot be the case for much longer or we would never adopt them, but today, I truly pray that they are together.

if i was posting a status update right now, it would read as follows...
current mood: thankful :)

i recently began grad school and our first assignment was to write an autobiography. i groaned and rolled my eyes with the rest of my classmates when the professor gave us our homework. i approached the assignment with a "complete as quickly as possible" mentality, but was surprised when i started typing and didn't stop until i had practically written a book. i've included a few excerpts below:

I was born in a suburb of Seoul, South Korea to a struggling young family and adopted to the United States at the age of six months.  Raised in the Nazarene church, my parents instilled in me early on the values and beliefs that I hold to today.  I grew up in Connecticut and Ohio and moved to Tennessee in 2005 to begin my undergraduate work.  After earning my Bachelor’s degree in 2009, I spent all of 2010 in South Korea teaching conversational English to elementary school students.  That year provided me many opportunities for personal growth and development; I will always remember 2010 as one of the single most formative years of my life.  During the course of the year, I was also given the rare and unique opportunity to reconnect with my birth family.

After returning to the U.S. in 2011, I came back to {my alma mater} to work as the administrative assistant in the Office of Academic Affairs and the Office of the Provost.  I absolutely love my job because it is a new adventure daily.  When I come in every morning, I have no idea what new challenges that particular day will present.  My biggest projects currently include planning next month’s Commencement ceremonies and assisting my boss in the reaccreditation process that is required of the university every ten years.  Both are extremely challenging and time-consuming, but I am thankful for the invaluable knowledge I am currently gaining from these experiences.  When I was first hired, my boss told me, “You know {this} is a great place to be a student, but it also a wonderful place to work.”  I could not agree more.  I am very thankful for a job that I sincerely enjoy waking up for every morning.

On the rare occasion that I find some spare time, I enjoy knitting, baking...traveling, reading, catching up with friends, or watching the Food Network.  I also love eating – I am a major “foodie."  Whenever possible, I enjoy meeting up with my sister or three brothers.  Unfortunately, we are spread out across the country, so we rarely have that opportunity.  One of my two Korean brothers is also currently in the U.S., studying English in New England.

I am currently working to become more actively involved in the adoption community - writing articles, attending conferences, conducting interviews, recording podcasts, etc.  In addition to traveling as much as possible, my future plans include working in some sort of position that will utilize both my mind for business and my passion for helping adoptees and their families.  

I am very humbled by and grateful for all of the opportunities that have been presented to me in my short 25 years of life.

i've been able to see a lot in my first 25 years and am so eager to see what the next 50 will hold! :)

hi readers,

i am honored to be featured on the Adoption Voices Magazine website this week. you can read part one of my interview with friend and executive editor Jane Ballback HERE. the first installment, appropriately titled Culture Shock details some of the struggles i experienced during my time living in Korea. stay tuned for the remainder of the story!

meeting my Korean family has caused me to think a lot about things i never thought about before, things i never had a reason to think about. suddenly having a little brother who could easily be your twin is a strange experience for a girl who grew up without knowing anyone who even vaguely resembled her. we look the same, we have the same mannerisms and facial expressions, we like a lot of the same things. all of this causes me to really think about heritage and genes and bloodlines.

it is no secret that South Korea has been, to put it frankly, a country well-known in the world of baby exporting. i don't have numbers or statistics to share, but if you compare the number of international to domestic adoptions in Korea, i think you would be shocked. i had a hard time understanding this during my time in Korea. why were there so few domestic adoptions within the boundaries of the border? coming from a country like America, where everyone i know has their own "adoption story," i was baffled.

the answer came to me slowly, after the culmination of a long string of experiences during my year in Korea. for Koreans, it all comes down to bloodline. your family, the ones who you share genes and blood with, the ones who you look like - they are of the utmost importance. this fits with the Confucian society of Korea, where respect/honor for your elders and ancestors (both living and dead) is an important core virtue. (for more on this, see my post on Seollal.) this is also why child relinquishment is such a dishonorable thing in Korean society, why so many Korean mothers are currently living with the deep, dark secret they can't entrust to anyone, with the picture of their relinquished child forever embedded deep into their mind's eye. this is why my brothers didn't know of my existence until 2010 -- 24 years after i was born.

this brings me to the real reason for this post - to celebrate the unsung heroes: the foster parents. in my case, my foster parents were a Korean couple who have taken in and cared for literal hundreds of orphaned children. they intended to adopt me as their own, but were just over the age limit and instead only cared for me in their home until i was adopted to my American family 6 months later. in a culture where bloodline is so important, these people have spent their lives taking in orphans as their own, receiving dirty looks and awkward stares from neighbors who likely considered them to be "weird"or "strange." my thoughts have gone to them frequently over the past year, and ultimately led me to reach out to Holt to find them. after they were successfully located, i sent the following letter for translation:

Omma,

I have been thinking about you lately and felt that I needed to send a letter to thank you for the care you provided me during my first few months of life. I understand that you may not remember me because you have taken in and cared for so many other children. I would not expect you to specifically recall a small baby that you only had for a few months 25 years ago.

Let me tell you a little bit about my life. I was adopted to a loving family in America back in 1987 when I was only 6 months old. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister here and they are wonderful. I love my family so much and they have been so good to me. I graduated college in 2009 with a degree in business management. After graduating, the American economy was very poor and I was unable to obtain employment. I ended up getting a job in Cheonan, South Korea, teaching conversational English to elementary school students. I lived there for all of 2010. After I had been there for 9 months, I was able to meet my birth family in Seoul for the first time since 1987. It was a very special time for us. I lived with them for about 2 weeks and visited them on the weekends until I returned to America in 2011. I have two Korean brothers who are close to my age and I am very happy to be able to know them now. We have a difficult language barrier, but we have been able to communicate decently well. My younger Korean brother came to America last year to study English so that we can communicate easier. I am very thankful. I am now working at a university in America in the office of the academic dean. It is a great job that I love and it pays well. I am also a full-time graduate school student. I will graduate with a masters degree in business administration after a couple of years.

During my time in Korea, I learned about how important bloodline is to Koreans. I believe this is why so many Korean babies have been adopted to other countries -- because Korean people have difficulty welcoming someone into their family who does not share the same blood as them. This is why I am so thankful for you -- because you have cared for 100+ babies in a culture that finds this strange. You have spent your life making a good life possible for many young children -- how can we thank you enough? I hope that one day I can thank you in person. You deserve a high honor and reward.

Omma, thank you for all you have done for me. Thank you for caring for me when I cried and changing my diapers and feeding me during the night. Thank you for taking me in even though we did not share blood. Thank you for being my omma when I did not have an omma. Everything in my life is possible now because of you. I hope that one day we can meet and I can thank you in person. Until then, please know that you have not been forgotten. Please know how thankful I am for you.

I am attaching pictures of me with my American family and my Korean family. I hope you can see how happy I am now. Thank you again. If you have time, please send me a letter or pictures of you.

Love,

Whitney/전향옥

to all of the adoptees and adoptive families out there,

i hope that one day you will have the opportunity to thank your unsung heroes.

i got to see my little brother over easter weekend for the first time since he left TN last fall. perhaps more importantly, i also got to introduce him to my American family for the first time...ever! we met up at mom & dad’s house and even had an extended family gathering so that he could meet all of the aunts, uncles, and cousins. rather than listening to me blab on about it, i decided to let him tell you about the experience...

in his own words

it's been a year and a half since we met and you've been in America for 9 months now.
your life is so different from 1.5 years ago!

Before, I never imagined I could study English in the U.S. Now I'm talking with my sister in English. It's a little crazy. I never could have imagined. I had seen your parents and your house via Skype, but now I am here. I feel it is so surreal. Before, I wasn't interested in America, but now I want to live here forever.

what is your favorite part about America?

People. Americans are more kind, more outgoing, more open-minded. Also...food!
I love eating pizza, cheeseburgers, macaroni & cheese, cupcakes, root beer...

we decided you would come to meet my family about a month before Easter break.
were you nervous?

I worried about feeling awkward because it was our first meeting. I was worried about communication problems and cultural differences.

what did you do to prepare before coming?

I met my American friends for English conversation practice. I asked my friends about American culture and I bought some gifts for my American parents.

so now you are actually here. how is it?

Everything is different from how I imagined it. When I met your parents for the first time in the airport, I felt so comfortable, as if I was meeting my Korean family. Even though we have some problems in conversation, I don't feel so shy and they really try to understand what I am saying. It's good. When I talk to my family in English, I don't need to be shy because they are my family. My first night here, I couldn't sleep because I was really enjoying the feeling of being in the house with my family.

what has been your favorite part about the trip?

Family. When I am at school alone, I feel like a stranger in America. At first, I didn't know anybody so I was so lonely. But when I came here, I just felt like I was at home.

what was your favorite activity this weekend?

Just eating breakfast together. At school, I have to eat my breakfast alone. I have nobody to say good morning to. But every morning this weekend, mom was preparing breakfast and dad was reading the newspaper and my sister was coming to my room to yell at me to wake up.

how was meeting all of the extended family?

It was awesome. They welcomed me and they said they were so pleased to meet me and had been waiting for my arrival. They were really excited to meet me. Conversation was OK. I didn't need to worry.

what sort of differences do you notice between Korean homes & American homes?

I don't need to eat kimchi every morning! Before, I never thought rice was a heavy food, but now I can understand that it is really heavy. Also...dogs in the house! In Korea, we can't have pets in the home. I want to bring them with me when I leave!

anything else to add?

I will really miss here & my family & pets too when I have to leave. I'll be back soon!

Now I feel so special in the world because nobody else has 2 families - 1 in their country, 1 in another country. I was so shy about my story so I couldn't tell anyone -- it wasn't comfortable. But now I'm so proud of my families and my name, Nate, which means gift of God. When I was in language school, nobody else had a name with any meaning.

I like Skyping with my Korean family while I am with my American family.
It feels so rich, not in money, just in love of family.

I want to find another family -- #3! It would be so fun.

Since coming to America, I have met some adopted friends who couldn't find their family in Korea so I want to work for them after a few years if I have some chance. I hope they can find their family. It should be nice and you couldn't imagine that before you find your family.

I am the happiest person. Thanks to God! And tomorrow for the first time I can go to church with my family. God must be really happy to see our family all gathered together.

hey ya'll! just a quick note to point you towards the adoption blog of my dear friend Jane Ballback. she is currently writing a fantastic series on "secrets" that i'm sure you will find fascinating. click HERE to read a recent entry featuring yours truly. you will be seeing more collaboration with Jane in the near future, so get to know her now!

here's a quick shot of me and my dad, who came down to TN for a visit last weekend. i love this guy!
happy sunday to each of you!

happy 2012, friends!

i'm sorry that i'm a month late, but i do hope that all of you are enjoying a great start to the new year. things have been extremely busy for me thus far -- i am really looking forward to seeing what surprises 2012 might have in store.

i was talking to my brother hyunbae on the phone this week (for all of you who have been asking, he is doing very well at school up north!), and we were reminiscing about where we were and what we were doing this time last year. some of you are aware that this coming week is 설날, or the start of the new year, in korea. for seollal 2011, my whole family was together under one roof in seoul. i was nervous about not knowing the traditional customs and my family was thrilled to be initiating me on my 1st korean new year.

on the equivalent of our new year's eve, hyunbae and i went out on the town to meet friends, grab dinner, and hang out. i didn't know that it was supposed to be an "early" night -- in america, you stay out late on NYE, but apparently my family had been expecting us home to rest before the next day's events. i can distinctly remember getting text messages from omma that day, asking where we were and what time we were coming home. finally, appa called and told me that we'd better get home soon. a major frustration during my year in korea: the expectations are never explained beforehand! by the time hyunbae and i got in, omma was fit to be tied -- the sort of mom anger that manifests itself in the silent treatment. no matter where you are in the world, moms are moms :)

on the day of the big event, i woke up to find my grandmother standing over me, smiling. it scared the bejesus out of me and i jumped out of bed. i went outside to find our whole living room had been rearranged and that a large table had been set up with enough food for the whole country. i found out later that omma had been cooking since about 4am. there was a big picture on the table of my grandfather, who passed away several years ago. everyone was dressed up, my brother in a full suit, and my grandmother in traditional korean hanbok. one at a time, extended family members starting showing up. finally, appa started gathering everyone together in front of the table of food. everyone was standing in an organized line and i was so confused.

in typical korean-style, i didn't get much of a warning about the 제사, or ancestor ritual. once everyone was in their place, appa and my older brother began the ceremony by paying their respects to my grandfather with deep bows and food offerings. we were all then led to follow their example, and went through a long series of ritual bows -- the kind that require you to almost lay flat on the floor. you can probably imagine the look on my face by this point. hyunbae grabbed me and said, "just follow what i do!" as you would have done in that awkward situation, i obeyed. by the time we were done with our marathon bowing, i felt like i had just completed a hardcore jillian michaels workout.

after the ceremony, we feasted. there is no other word to describe it. there was so much delicious food, i thought i was going to just burst right out of my skinny jeans. then just as i was about to slink away for a nap, we cleared the table and i could tell everyone was preparing for another bowing ceremony. i wanted to die.

in this series of bows, the cousins/kids took turns paying their respects to the elders (grandmother, aunts, uncles, parents). the tradition is for the kids to give a deep bow before the elders and say, "새해 복 많이 받으세요" or "may you receive many blessings in the new year." to my surprise, after the bowing, everyone started handing out money. this was one of my favorite parts of seollal! in typical korean custom, the elders reward the childrens' blessing/ritual by giving out money. i wish we could adopt that custom here in the states!

all afternoon we went in a cycle of eating >> talking >> bowing >> getting money. family members kept coming and going and i thought the day would never end. by the time the last aunt left, i was completely exhausted and noticed that my knees were throbbing. when i pulled up my pant legs, i realized that i had gone down on my bow a little too hard onto the hardwood floors and my knees were literally black and blue. i can't even describe to you how bruised my legs were and how painful this experience was!

just when i thought i was finally going to get a chance to rest, my parents started yelling about putting on shoes and getting ready to go. i looked at my brother with searching eyes and he told me, "time to visit mother's side of the family!" *cue exhausted moan/forehead slap.

next week, i'll tell you about my 설날 experience with omma's side. until then, here is a picture of me with appa, hyunbae, and halmoni (grandmother).

새해 복 많이 받으세요!
may you receive many blessings in the new year!

hello friends.
i hope that all of you are well, enjoying the cooler weather, and anticipating the holidays with loved ones.
things have been busy here the past couple of months with my brother coming, our spending as much time as possible together, and his quick, unexpected departure. yes, just as quickly as he came, he has now gone.

hyun-bae's school in TN wasn't really fitting his educational needs quite as well as we had hoped. it's a good program, but we found a better one for him in new england. last week, he made the move. of course, it was a sad going-away, but we know that this is a good decision that will open better opportunities for his bright future.
sometimes the right choice is the hardest one.

i hope you will enjoy these pictures from our past few months together...
twins. lots of homemade meals, reflecting both korean & american culture.nashville exploration saturdays.hyun-bae's first pumpkin carving.hyun-bae & i had our chance to be "real" siblings these past few months, complete with {multilingual} fights and arguments and all of the other stuff that comes with siblinghood. but i think we would both agree: this november, we are thankful for these opportunities we have had to be together -- something we missed out on for 23 years.

everyone has been asking me, "are you still blogging?"
the answer is "yes...if i can ever find the time!"
life has been absolutely crazy around here lately, but i have to say - i'm really enjoying the ride. i promise a real blog post here sometime in the semi-near future.
i just wanted to post a quick couple of lines to commemorate a special anniversary. 1 year ago today, i had the insane opportunity to reunite with my birth family after a 24 year separation. i never would have guessed that i would get that chance in my lifetime, yet here i am now, 1 year later, with my brother here in nashville with me!
from this experience i have learned 2 things:
1) never say never.
2) life is completely unpredictable!
happy anniversary, jeon family! ♥

my life is moving at a pace much faster than i am currently able to keep up with. i apologize for the sentence-long posts. this was shared on an adoption forum & i think the information is way too good to not pass on. click HERE to read the holt entry on 10 questions to ask yourself before initiating birth family search.

he's here! :)

if you & i are facebook friends, this post will not be news to you. but i'd like to officially announce to my blog readers the next episode in the sitcom that is my life -- namely, my little brother hyun-bae moving to the states!
(i know...i was shocked, too!)

just when i thought things were starting to slow down & i finally felt like i was beginning to ease back into "american life," i got a phone call from korea. this was just about 3 weeks ago. hyun-bae & our parents had decided that it might be time for him to take a break from school and start preparing for his mandatory 2 years of military service. somehow, that idea evolved into him moving to tennessee!

i'm pleased to say that i'll be picking him up from nashville international airport very soon on september 8th. that following week, he will begin an intensive english language learning course at a local state university. as of now, the plan is for him to stay in america for 1 year to study.

we've had a stressful few weeks with the massive amounts of paperwork, rushed mailings, and visa interviews, but i'm excited for the opportunity to spend the next year with my brother. one of my only regrets in life is missing out on 22 years of being a big sister.

wish us luck. who knows what else the future might hold? life is crazy, unpredictable, & beautiful.

two of my most vivid memories of first realizing "wow, this 'new' family is going to be really complicated" took place, strangely enough, at the eye doctor's. at our first reunion, omma (korean mom) & appa (korean dad) were extremely concerned about my horrendous vision. they said that i'd inherited that from appa's side of the family and that both he and my younger brother had undergone LASIK surgery to correct their near blindness, with fantastic results. they also informed (not asked!) me that i would be receiving the surgery a month and a half later in november.

one weekend in late october, my brother hyun-bae and i were out for a saturday afternoon of food & shopping in myeong-dong. omma called to tell us (again, not a request!) to stop by the eye doctor's office to get surgery information before we came home. it was within walking distance of where we were, so i didn't mind. we walked in the front door and the nurse was immediately in our faces, offering complimentary beverages and asking how she could help. (i really miss the great customer service in korea!) the conversation went a bit like this...

nurse: (babbling in korean)
hyun-bae: (in korean) sorry, would you mind speaking in english?
nurse: (in english, confused) oh, sure. so which of you will be receiving surgery?
{i timidly raise my hand}
nurse: ok. and he is your boyfriend?
hyun-bae: (in korean) no, she is my sister
nurse: (in english, surprised) oh! umm...ok...

{we complete info session}

nurse: (in english) that's about it. do you have any questions? i'll give you this info packet to take home and review.
me: yes, one thing. could i get 2 info packets? one in english and one in korean?
nurse: (in english) oh sure! can i ask why?
me: oh, i need one to take home and read. and i also need to take one to my mother to read.
nurse: (unable to hide her bewilderment) oh. of course...

~~~

i had worked for several weeks with the nurse, asking a million questions about the procedure before finally scheduling my surgery. i was able to work mainly with just her, because her english was much better than anyone else in that office. by the time surgery day arrived, my brother had already returned to china to finish out his semester, so omma was accompanying me to make sure that surgery went well & i got home safely afterwards. as a refresher, omma speaks no english. (by this time, i had studied enough korean to handle basic conversation).

nurse: (in english) hi whitney, can i get you a drink while you wait?
me: i'll have coffee please.
{the korean word for coffee is 커피 or kupee, so similar enough that omma could understand my request in english}
omma: (in korean, to nurse) no, she'll have orange juice.
me: (in korean, to omma) what did you just say? orange juice?
omma: (in korean) yes, you can't have coffee. it's bad for your health and keeps you from sleeping well at night.
me: (in korean, throwing hands up dramatically) what the heck, mom?! i'm not a little kid!
nurse: ummm....
me: (in english, to nurse) i'll have coffee please.
omma: (giving me the stink eye) hmph!
nurse: (standing awkwardly, trying to diffuse the tension) wow whitney, your korean is coming along nicely!

i recall each of these situations with humor now, but remember them being overwhelmingly awkward at the time of occurrence. and i really feel for that nurse, who always seemed to be stuck in the middle of mass confusion.

it's complicated. i understand that, for many adoptees, the first hurdle to overcome in reunion is the birth parents dealing with their immense shame for giving their child away -- an unthinkable, unforgivable sin in many eastern cultures. in a shocking number of cases, birth parents ultimately choose not to reunite when given the choice, because they simply cannot face the humiliation that comes with the public knowledge of, "yes, this is my child. yes, i gave him/her away eons ago. yes, i live with that shame every day." so i try to be understanding in difficult situations with my birth family, and thankful that they are willing to "claim" me.

but in the kopee situation, i just couldn't take it anymore. as much as i try to be understanding and reasonable, i also need my birth family to understand who i am now -- that since the time they gave me up, i've developed into a tough, very independent, very strong-willed woman. no matter what koreans want to tell me about the cultural differences in age between korea and america, i will still affirm that i am an american. and i resent being treated like a child. and at that moment, i resented my omma overstepping her bounds and telling the nurse that instead of coffee, a cup of orange juice with a sippy straw would better suit a child like me.

i think this was the point when i first put my head in hands and thought, "what have i done?!"

one thing i am really guilty of when it comes to blogging is telling every story and painting every picture in a way that my readers will see through rose-colored glasses. i don't really know why i do it, but it's a flaw i've become painfully aware of. i think that may be why the 12/13/10 blog might have been a bit of a shock for some of you -- because it took such a different tone from the rest of the year's entries. i've come to the conclusion that, not only is this is not fair to you because you're only seeing one side of the story, but it is actually a true disservice. and it's stupid of me because, no matter how i might try to portray it, you guys are smart enough to see that my life is most definitely not a perfect fairytale.

one major point of frustration for me these past 10 months has been the severe lack of resources out there for "post-reunion" adoptees. these are those (few) individuals who have been given the opportunity to meet with their birth families. this shortage of information is certainly understandable as reunions are a bit of a rare phenomena (i've heard the statistic that only 2% of adoptees have this opportunity, though i personally feel that this number might be a bit understated), but the fact remains: we do exist! so why is there no information out there? the little information that i have come across could barely be considered POST-reunion because the story always ends with the picture of the happy, smiling faces of the family AT the reunion. so the question is: what comes after that?

though some might beg to differ, i definitely feel like there is this common misconception in the adoptee community that post-reunion adoptees are the "lucky ones." please don't misunderstand me: i feel incredibly blessed to have been given the opportunity to experience all that i have in the past 10 months! however, i think many people forget that it doesn't all end with the reunion pictures. there is a whole life to be lived after that. and it's not all smiles. and honestly, i've had more than one occasion when i've thought to myself, "if i'm supposed to be one of the lucky ones, how come i'm not feeling very lucky?"

there is so much i wish i'd been told before i met my birth family in that tiny Holt conference room last year. for starters, "once you make the decision to meet, you can never take it back. this will affect every part of the rest of your life." or "boundaries are healthy. don't be afraid to draw them early." or "the language barrier is debilitating. it will be extremely frustrating and more than difficult for your family to communicate the things you so desperately want to communicate." if only i'd known then what i know now...

so, in a bit of a turn from what has become this blog's "norm," i'm going to begin sharing bits from the other side of the reunion. of course i am happy with the place my life is currently at. of course i wouldn't change my decision to meet my birth family. and of course i will still be sharing stories about the joy that has come from that reunion. but i want to be honest with you and show you that reunion isn't the perfect cure-all that it has, at times, been made out to be. i think my readers deserve that.

while i don't have a PhD and i'm certainly no scholar on this topic, i think i do have some valuable life experiences to contribute to the adoption discourse.

so i hope that this will be helpful to you...
// to my fellow post-reunion adoptees: you are strong, courageous, and commendable. i hope you can feel comfortable sharing your experiences and adding to the discussions.
// to those adoptees who are searching: i hope that this will give you some "food for thought" and help you prepare mentally and emotionally for what may be in your future.
// to parents of adoptees: i hope that this will help you understand what a rollercoaster this experience could be for your child. strap yourselves in and get ready for a crazy ride.
// to the adoption community as a whole: i hope that this will be an honest look into the side of the story that has been largely untold. please don't be angry at me for that.

// to all of my readers: thank you for your ever-present love, support, and genuine interest. i hope that you, too, will each feel comfortable adding to the dialogue. our unique views & opinions make this whole experience what it is. when it comes to navigating these waters, i think it's true what they say: there's no such thing as a stupid question.

hey y'all! (i live in TN now, remember?)

long time, no see. have you been well? i hope that you're surviving this scorching summer. the nashville heat has been absolutely relentless the past couple of months and left me wondering - "what in the world was i thinking moving back here?" you know it's been a rough summer when you're relieved to see temperatures back down to double digits.

i just wanted to touch base with my readers (if i still have any of those?) to let you know what the past couple of months have looked like for me. besides the "growing pains" i've experienced moving, starting a new job, and establishing myself as a young professional, i've definitely felt the effects of culture shock/re-entry to "normal" american life much longer and much more acutely than i'd ever care to admit. it's been a tough journey, but i can feel things getting better and for that, i am thankful.

one resource i've found recently that has been of great help to me is a wonderful organization called KAAN, or the Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network. i happened upon them, believe it or not, through a facebook friend just a few weeks ago -- and only 2 days before their annual conference. i took a last-minute leap of faith and drove all night after work to atlanta to participate in the weekend's offerings. i had no idea what to expect going into it, but i was pleasantly surprised. one thing that many participants expressed, which i can completely relate to, was a sense of "whoa. for the first time in my life, everyone here is just like me." i'm really encouraged by the sense of community i've found as i've dipped my toes into the "korean adoptee world" and i've been pleasantly surprised by how welcoming everyone has been. if you're interested in more information about KAAN, their website can be found here: http://www.kaanet.com/. they also have an active facebook page.

as a heads up, i'd also like to introduce you to a great blog called my second mama that can be found here: http://mysecondmama.com/ the blogger, jane ballback and i have been in contact on and off for the past several months, and i'm excited about a project that is currently in the works. i can't tell you too much now, but hope to have more information to share within the next few months. jane is a wonderful lady with a big heart for the adoption story, and i'm anxious to see what the future will bring for her. for now, just get yourself acquainted with her & her story, because this will not be the last you hear of her here.

i'll wrap this up by saying that, while this blog started as a way to document my "year in korea," i'm foreseeing an evolution that will follow my personal growth & development. while i am definitely no scholar on the topic of adoption, i have seen & felt its effects very strongly (maybe for the first time) on my life this past year and that has given me a lot of experiences to share. i have no idea what exactly this will turn into, but i am willing and anxious to be a part of the adoption discourse and see where this will take me & you & this blog.

i hope that you will be willing to take this journey with me. i think that there will be a lot for all of us to learn.

i have no idea if anyone still reads this blog. just in case, i'll give you a quick 30-second update on the happenings of the latest month and a half.

on easter sunday, i packed a few bags, kissed my parents goodbye, and moved from ohio to tennessee. a couple of weeks in, i landed a great job at my alma mater. its exactly what i was looking for. i feel like my boss is really taking a chance on me (being so young and all) but i am trying my hardest and hope i don't let anyone down. it's great being back on the campus i spent 4 years of my life on as a student. now with the unemployment issue handled, i am on the lookout for nearby housing. up til now, my friends have so graciously opened their doors to me and i am infinitely grateful for it. nashville is the greatest place on earth.

with one door opened (employment), many have been closed...at least for the time being. it's bittersweet - knowing i am establishing myself in one {great} place, but also that this is keeping me from going other places. since returning to the states, i've been consistently researching options to return to korea, but that won't be happening for several years now. being an adult and making major life decisions is a terrifying experience. i was extremely ill-prepared for this.

it's about 3 million degrees in TN currently so i will be spending my memorial day tomorrow at the lake with friends, soaking up the sun (obviously, this will be preceded by breakfast at cracker barrel) and fighting off cicadas. if you don't know about the current nashville/cicada phenomena, please read about it HERE and be terrified.

if you're short on time or don't like to read, here is a reader's digest version of my story in 4 minutes. special thanks to the media team at grove city nazarene church for their work on the video, which was shown in mother's day weekend services. to watch, CLICK HERE.

2 months later...and i'm still alive!

time truly does go by more quickly as you get older. i can't believe i've been back in the states 2+ months already. these weeks have been spent traveling a lot and catching up with loved ones. i was thrilled to visit my dear college friends down in nashville......and meet their CHILDREN for the first time......i also got down to georgia to see my brother & sister......and meet my nephew for the first time......unfortunately, my most recent trip was up to new york to attend my aunt's extremely sudden funeral. the only good thing about these times is that they bring family together and i was able to see my brothers for the first time in almost 2 years......studly, huh?! oh yeah, and i bought a car......it's a little hyundai - how korean of me!

you'll notice the only tidbit of news missing is anything related to WORK. i'm absolutely dying over here trying to find a decent job that won't make me want to gouge my eyes out everyday. send me a message if you have any leads...i'm 300% willing to relocate!

things are well with my family in korea. i e-mail with them regularly and we skype/talk on the phone every other week or so. i'm ashamed to say that i sort of fell off the 'study korean daily' bandwagon, but i'm trying to work back up to that. i experienced a time of real discouragement, but i think the spring sunshine has done alot for my spirits and i'm good to tackle the challenge again.

i hope, wherever you are, the warm temperature & sunshine are spurring you on to greatness and that you are truly ENJOYING life!

hiya kiddies. have you been well? i hope, wherever you are, winter is on its way out & spring is headed your direction. i am desperately needing some warmer weather!

i've been busy doing a whole lot of nothing lately. well, that's only partially true. i've been all over the state of ohio trying to find a decent used car...only to come up empty-handed over and over again. it's so frustrating. i really need a good friend who is knowledgable in the realm of automobiles to help me make a well-informed purchase. if you fit that bill and live in ohio, call me!!

besides car shopping, i've been busy catching up with old friends, eating a lot, sleeping a LOT, and job searching. (oh, if you're hiring, call me!) i've also been trying to take advantage of this unemployment by studying korean as much possible. it's been decently productive, but i know i'm still lacking in a huge way. however, i was seriously encouraged this week when i was able to fill up a greeting card with a note to my parents. granted, my handwriting is horrendous, i'm sure it's not perfect, & i know i made some mistakes (note the scratched out spot right in the middle!) but i was so surprised to write it all out, then look back & realize "wow, i could do that pretty easily!" it was the motivator i have been needing lately. (if you speak fluent korean & notice an error, don't tell me! just kidding, of course. i strongly believe in learning from your mistakes. :)

i like to think of it as a reward for my efforts...call it what you will...but the postman dropped this ginormous box at my door this a.m. it was chock-full of delicious korean goodies from my family! i was more excited than anyone really should have been... thanks omma & appa!

i've mentioned before that my little brother is much more americanized than any other korean i've ever met. during our short time together, he developed a DEEP love for all things peanut butter. hahaha. we are so related, it's not even funny. as peanut butter is decently hard to come by in korea, i shipped these treats out to him this week: hahaha. i hope omma never sees this picture because she'll kick my butt. tons of super unhealthy treats...how unkorean of me!

i just realized that this entry was full of pictures of food so i'm gonna go dust off my treadmill now. hahaha. i need an intervention!!

i'll be headed south to visit my dear, dear college friends this next week. i am so looking forward to visiting with them...14 months is far too long to be away from friends who are close as family.

i'll chat with you all again in a few weeks...be well!