Saturday, May 12, 2012

i'm proud to feature a guest blogger this mother's day weekend. my dear friend heidi & her husband josh are currently going through the process to adopt a child from ethiopia. heidi and i first met in college, and since that time, i've been ever-aware that she undoubtedly has the biggest heart and kindest spirit of anyone i've ever met. i'm happy to be able to share that sweet spirit with you here today...

An odd bond is building in my heart.
Surprisingly it's not with who I thought it would be with.
I thought that at this point I would be daydreaming of my child and what they might be like. While I obviously think of them, the person that these days I cannot seem to get out of my head is their mother. Somewhere halfway around the world there is a woman that I do not know anything about and I will most likely never meet or even know her name, but somehow we are bonded together in a way that few other humans ever are. Somewhere there is a woman who is the mother of our baby. I didn’t know how I would feel about the birth mother. Honestly, before we started the process, other than what I might say to my child when they asked, I had given little thought to her. Now, she seems to be all I can think of. I hope with all my heart that she is still alive, loving our baby.

It is very hard to describe and even harder to understand, but I often think of her and try to imagine what she might be doing. I wonder who she is, what she looks like, what her life is like. Mostly though I pray for her. Whatever reason there will be for my child to become adoptable will mean heartache, devastation and possibly even death for her. It's strange to realize that there is a point coming soon where, though we will never meet, our lives will combine in an incredible way. I think this is where the hard part starts. I want our baby to be with us, for this process to speed up and to get them quickly. But I know that for this to happen first there must be heartache. What is coming towards them that will rip their family apart? What tragedy is about to take this mother away from her baby forever? These are the thoughts that consume my mind and keep me up at night. Out of all the stresses and struggles of this process it is this one piece that I continually feel I need to cover with prayer 100 times a day. I am truly feeling the grief and loss of this family along with them and at times it is overwhelming.

So what does this mean for me? For today? Well, for today all those thoughts and feelings bring me to this… somewhere halfway around the world is my sweet precious baby…. and with all my heart I hope that right now, they are with their mother. I know that this cannot be the case for much longer or we would never adopt them, but today, I truly pray that they are together.