Friday, April 16, 2010

i have never been an overly emotional girly girl. if you have ever met me - even just once - you know that this statement is as true as they come. i've always fit in better as one of the boys. i hate to wear make up or heels. i hate to cry. i've been dubbed as a fairly even-keeled individual, regardless of the situation - good or bad. but there is something about being in a completely strange and foreign place that brings out another part of your personality. the ups and downs of everyday life seem to literally span from the mountaintops to the valleys in a matter of seconds. there's something about being totally clueless and vulnerable in a new culture that will take a normally balanced person and turn them into a total drama queen. i'll go ahead and admit that i've seen a piece of this transformation taking place over the past couple of months. i'll also admit that i really hate it. i like to keep my feelings and emotions to myself, so it kills me to allow my friends to see me cry or to own up to the fact that i'm not really always as happy as i let on. i'm just another person who gets happy and sad and has good days and bad days. i prefer to be the comforter, rather than the comforted. my ego really gets in the way and tells me that the tough facade is much more appealing than the real weak me. i am fully aware that this way of thinking of unhealthy and totally stupid, but it's the way my brain works. that being said, i think that my time here in korea is really worth its weight in gold. i feel myself being stretched and grown in every possible way. i'm beginning to see different facets of myself that i didn't ever know existed. i'm developing and changing and maturing every day. it's really exhausting and frustrating and rewarding and wonderful all at the same time. i hope to leave this place a much better person than the version of me who stepped off the plane in january.


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