as we near the final days of 2010, i can't help but be absolutely blown away by all that i've experienced this year. by way of this blog, you know about most of the wonderful things that i've seen and tasted and felt and endured. so as i look towards the close of the year and my return to the states, i'm going to do something a little different. i'm going to tell you some of the things that i haven't previously shared that i will not miss about korea. i'm afraid that, out of my excessive enthusiasm, i might not have given you a totally fair look at my time here. the year has absolutely not been all butterflies & roses, and i think i would be cheating you if i didn't share some of the ugly parts, too.

disclaimer: this is 100% my opinion wrought from personal experience. i by no means speak for all of korea or all korean adoptees or all americans or any other demographic group. therefore, nobody get your undies in a wad. if you are a korean reading this, you're probably not going to like most of what i say in this entry. therefore you have the option to 1) skip this one and come back in a couple of weeks 2) take it for what it is - an opinion piece - and not be personally offended. my entire year's worth of blogs have been dedicated to singing the praises of your wonderful country, which has a huge place in my heart.

also, this entry will be absolutely dripping with sarcasm. be forewarned.

so here it is. stemming mostly from my being a koreanless korean in korea, these are the things i won't miss in 2011:

1) going out for dinner with my white american friends & the entire restaurant staff assuming i am the group's hired translator.
:: this happens at least 3 times a week. it's the worst.

2) people (koreans & americans both) telling me how good my english is.
:: uhhh thanks. i studied a lot.

3) people (koreans & americans both) shamelessly gawking at me when they hear me speak english.
:: you would not believe the audacity and general ignorance of some of the people i've met here. at times, i've been genuinely concerned that my mere existence would cause some moron's brain to physically explode. some wide-eyed people have gotten so close to me that i could smell their awful kimchi breath. at which point, i've had to make the awkward situation more awkward by glaring them down until they felt uncomfortable enough to pick their jaw off the ground and keep walking.

4) not being able to talk on the phone or speak out loud on public transportation or just...in public.
:: in order to avoid gawkers' stares, i generally ignore all phone calls until i am alone or somewhere "safe." refer to #3.

5) people assuming i'm chinese when i tell them i can't speak korean.
:: it's no secret that thousands of korean children have been adopted to english-speaking countries. in addition, thousands of korean families have migrated to said countries. therefore, countless korean faces, like me, do not speak korean. however, you would never know that by the reactions i've received. if you can't speak korean, you must not be korean, right?!

6) the snickers i hear behind my back after i try my best at speaking korean.
:: forgive me, but i haven't been able to completely master the language in 11 months. all koreans receive at least 10 years worth of english classes in grade school...yet only a minute percentage can speak fluent english. do you see me laughing at you??

7) the obnoxious coworker who just knows i'm lying about not being able to speak korean and therefore continues to speak korean to me. every day.
:: you'd think my continual blank stares would give it away.

8) the glass ceiling i've encountered in the workplace.

9) the crazy ahjummas & ahjussis who yell at me when they hear me speak english.
:: i've actually had an old lady chase me down the road screaming when she heard me talking on the phone. it's generally something like "i don't want to hear your english" or "speak korean" or a simple "shut up."

10) the koreans who feel i owe them or their country something in lieu of my 23-year absence.
:: wait -- what?? how does that one work?

11) koreans doing whatever it takes to save face. including a lot of lying.
:: i've been played wrong more times this year than i have in my entire life combined. thankfully, i've also met some kind & good koreans who have helped me not to lose complete hope in the entire korean race. based solely on my personal experiences, i now live by the following - "don't trust a korean any further than you can throw her."

12) koreans' lack of any sort of filter.
:: "what's on your face?! you have some skin problems..." yes, that's a zit. sorry if it's personally offending you, but i get them sometimes.
:: "you look tired." yes, i am tired. thank you for noticing.
:: "your clothes are not so good. i think you should buy new ones." sorry if i'm not the country's top fashionista, but were you planning to sponsor my new wardrobe?
:: "you should wear make-up" sorry. i'm too lazy. i like to sleep 10 extra minutes in the morning. sue me.
:: "your hair is terrible." well, stop looking at it.
:: "you are big size. you need more exercise." i'm an american. americans, generally, tend to be fat and lazy. sorry that i'm not a size 0. believe it or not, i would actually be considered quite slender in the states.
:: yes, i have personally heard each of these statements & more.

13) my friends either a. getting awkward or b. feeling like they have to defend me when somebody makes a stupid comment or gawks at me.
:: while i certainly appreciate their concern, i'm a big girl and i can fight my own battles.

14) people pitying me.
:: life is full of ignorant people and crappy situations. you gotta buck up & move on.

15) a workplace that is freezing during the winter and sweltering during the summer.
:: assuming that a/c & heat are too expensive, my school generally doesn't use either unless absolutely necessary. it's miserable for everyone.

16) the english paradox.
:: koreans are obsessed with teaching their kids english. the government is cramming it down students' throats. english, english, english! but when they hear me speak it, i get the death stare. wait...what? i'm confused. i thought you wanted me to be good at english? ohhhh, but i'm just not supposed to use it? ok sorry. i missed that memo. makes perfect sense now.

17) unplowed streets during winter.
:: it's not pleasant when you don't have a car, but rather rely on public transportation and your own 2 feet to get you to work and back.

18) koreans who are baffled by my ability to read or speak korean.
:: korea is full of paradoxes. here is another. after i can finally pound it into a thick, korean skull that i, in fact, can only speak english fluently, they literally can not wrap their brains around how i can say "thank you" or "hello" in korean. or how i can read a road sign or restaurant menu in korean. they get all confused all over again and i have to explain for the thousandth time that i lived in america for the past 23 years, but have been studying korean in 2010. strangely enough, it is possible to know just a little of a language without being completely fluent!

19) people assuming that my brother is my boyfriend. and my having to agree that he is.
:: korea has an obsession with love and dating. it's unhealthy, really. so if they see a picture of me with my brother, they automatically assume he is my boyfriend. when my students see it, i now just say - "yes, he is." it's a lie, i know -- but YOU try to explain in english to a korean 3rd grader that i'm an american who just met my korean family this year...and that i have 2 families - a white one and a korean one. it's a lot harder than it sounds, huh? you would lie, too.

20) korean "breakfast."
:: koreans don't differentiate breakfast from any other meal of the day. it's the same thing 3 times a day - rice, kimchi, meat, side dishes, etc. much more spice than my poor american stomach can handle at 7am.

there you have it. this is by no means a comprehensive list, but i hope it gives you a slight glimpse into the not-so-pretty parts of my year in korea. i knew i would face some challenges when i boarded the plane to get here, but i had no idea what all i was getting myself into. while some of these things were laughable at first, they tended to get progressively less funny with each passing day. now they are simply obnoxious things that i have the pleasure of dealing with daily.

if you're about to leave a hateful response, just...don't. take a breath, re-read my disclaimer above, and move on. korea has been a challenge for me and this has been my experience. again, i don't speak for any particular demographic, and this list doesn't apply to every korean...just most of those that i've had the misfortune of encountering this year. every country & people group has it's flaws, and i'll be the first to admit that america sure isn't perfect. actually, i think i've even blogged about that before...

i am interested in hearing from other adoptees or gyopos who have spent some time in korea. maybe you have a similar experience or something you would add to the list...or maybe your time in korea was totally different from mine. what are your thoughts?

after reading this, can you now better understand my love/hate relationship with korea?

good morning from south korea! it's already friday here...which is good enough news on its own. but to add to the goodness, i woke up to this marvelous sunrise today. it instantly put me in a wonderful mood. wherever you are in the world, i hope this post finds you sipping from a mug of hot cocoa by the fireplace. winter has officially arrived in korea and we had our first snow of the season this week. i happened to be teaching 3rd grade that day and all of my kids went absolutely crazy, shouting "선생님! 눈! 눈!" or "teacher! snow! snow!" needless to say, that was a less than productive class period. :/

things are well here as 2010 comes to a close. i absolutely cannot believe how quickly this year has flown by. sometimes i look back on the past 11 months and think - "there's no way that actually happened." life is an interesting adventure.

last weekend, i stayed at my own place instead of traveling north to seoul...but my cousin came down to visit. i picked her up from the train station and we had an awesome indian feast of a dinner, courtesy of my big brother seong-bae. he heard sun-mi was coming to visit me so he gave her some money to pay for our dinner. what a guy! afterwards, we went to a singing room to work off some of the calories...where we found these awesome wigs.
out of gratefulness for sun-mi's willingness to speak mostly english for the weekend, i subjected myself to the embarrassment of attempting to sing a few korean songs. i'm pleased to say that it wasn't the train wreck that it could have been, but let's just say my korean still has room for improvement.

the next few shots are a little old. a month or so ago, i nabbed some free tickets to a NANTA performance. NANTA is a long-running musical here in korea that has been making it's way around the world. i hear it was performed on broadway in NYC awhile back? anyways, they sponsored a day for foreigners so some friends and i were able to see it for free. it was such a fun day...i'd suggest taking in a show next time you are in seoul!
several weeks ago, i visited the 63 Building in seoul with my aunt and cousins. it is a beautiful skyscraper overlooking the han river that features some restaurants, an aquarium, and an art gallery, among other things. a really cool place to visit...we had a great time there. (above) with cousin so-mang. (above) at the aquarium with 큰고모, which literally translates as "big aunt." i'm supposed to call her this because she is my father's oldest sister, but i always feel awkward addressing her. blame it on my americanized brain, but i don't feel like my aunts back home in the states would appreciate being called "big aunt."

quick story. ever since i came to korea, i've gotten a lot of facebook friend requests. that sounds cocky, but i don't mean it that way. i realize that it's not because i'm an incredibly cool person - but because people hear through mutual friends that i live in korea or that i met my birth family and they think the story is cool. honestly, i mostly ignore these requests. for the most part, my life is an open book but i guess i feel like "friend requests" give me some sort of control over who has access to my life. that probably sounds stupid. anyways, the other day, i got a friend request from a korean and the profile had no picture. i didn't recognize the name, but i saw that one of my cousins was a mutual friend. that should have been the first clue. in hindsight, i see that i'm not exactly the brightest crayon in the box. so i posted on my cousin's wall in korean - something like, "who is this person?" she replied with "he's your cousin. don't you remember?" hahahaha. i had a big family in the states before i came here and met my big family in korea. i swear i need flashcards to keep up with everyone. aye, aye, aye.

i'm currently in the process of making some big decisions for my future. so if you're the praying type, your prayers would be appreciated. it's a lot of pressure to have to make the best decision for yourself, your american family, and your korean family. fortunately, i tend to work best under pressure! :)

i'm off to seoul again this weekend to visit with my family. my best to each of you. i pray that you stay warm, healthy, and enjoy the holiday season with your loved ones. i look forward to christmas 2011 when i will be able to eat my mom's casseroles and celebrate the season the way it was intended to be celebrated...american-style! :)

안녕하세요 여러분!
hello everyone!

i hope this entry finds all of you well and on your way to visit with family for the holiday season. i am so envious...a 5-day thanksgiving work week just feels so wrong! i will also be teaching on christmas eve next month! :(

despite what you might be hearing from american media, everything is just fine here in south korea. there was a skirmish on the NK/SK border yesterday, but those types of run-ins have been happening for years and years. i feel like the entire world is watching this small peninsula with bated breath....and in the meantime all of us who are actually here in korea are just going about business as usual. south koreans are so used to hearing north korean threats that they almost remain completely unfazed. i don't mean to minimize the problem, as we all know that north korea is dangerous and unpredictable. and as a girl with 2 brothers who have served in the military (one korean, one american) and another who will soon be serving in the korean military, i really take the sacrifices of the marines' families to heart. but i ask you - please don't blow the situation out of proportion. we will all watch and pray that no more lives are lost, but continue to go on with our daily business. panic won't help the situation be resolved any quicker.

in other news, things have been busy as ever. i've been severely under the weather lately & also had LASIK eye surgery last weekend - an experience and a half! hahaha. in keeping with the theme of my life, the surgery didn't go exactly as planned. i had the initial operation on friday evening, but unfortunately, woke up saturday morning unable to see clearly out of my left eye. when i went back to the doctor, they told me that something had happened to cause a wrinkle in my corneal flap, thus blurring my vision. the chances of that happening are like one in a million - a minute percentage of LASIK patients experience such a problem - but in my 23 years of existence, i've proven myself to be pretty darn good at blowing those statistics out of the water. hahaha. the doctor said "we need to do another surgery to correct it. right now. and this one will take longer than the first one. and it will hurt. sorry." comforting, right? his words were the truest ever spoken, though, and i appreciated the heads up. i'm glad to report that now, post-surgery #2, my vision is 20/20 and will actually improve as the weeks progress and my eyes continue to heal. as a contact/glasses-wearer for 15(ish) years, i must say - it is AMAZING to wake up in the morning and be able to see perfectly without scrambling for my spectacles or poking myself in the eye to get my contacts in place. even with my minor setback, i would definitely recommend LASIK and am really grateful to my korean family for the gift they gave me! a word to the squeamish, though - you are awake and fully aware throughout the entire operation. although the surgery takes only about 10 minutes, i can't lie - it's not all that pleasant to have your eye bulging out of socket & a guy digging into your corneas. sorry for the graphic description, but as they say - honesty is the best policy - right? and i'll testify that those 10 minutes are worth it for a lifetime of 20/20 vision! in addition, i got these awesome goggles that i have to wear while i sleep to prevent any accidental jabs to the eye. so trendy right now. HAHAHA.i realize that i run the risk of sounding like a 100-year old grandmother when i say this, but i'll proudly declare - modern day medical science is absolutely amazing. still can't believe that i can see so well without any help from glasses or contacts!

between LASIK #1 & #2 i also found out that i had bronchitis. hahaha. medically speaking, the past weekend wasn't one of my finest. last week i went to the doctor to learn that i had a severe sinus infection. i took some prescription medicine and was able to function almost normally without feeling like my head was going to explode, but couldn't quite shake the cough. so after i kept omma & appa awake all friday night with my coughing, they marched me to the hospital first thing on saturday morning. i kept telling them that it was nothing - my cough was just residual from the previous week's cold - but they insisted that i needed to see a doctor. well, mother knows best, i guess, because sure enough - i had bronchitis. the medicine i've been taking has helped a lot and i feel almost back to full health. i think maybe the medicine is easier to stomach when i know that i only had to pay about $10 USD for 5 days worth of antibiotics & $3 for the doctor's visit. ;)

i often end my posts asking you to pray for my korean language learning. i'm happy to report that your prayers are working...so THANK YOU! even though i was drugged up and feeling horrendous all weekend, i was able to communicate with my family better than we have been able to in the past 2 months. a small victory, but i consider it to be improvement nonetheless. i'm still light years away from fluency but it's encouraging to see my long study hours paying off as communication becomes slightly easier everytime we meet. on sunday afternoon, my grandmother came to my parents' house to visit me and i was watching some american tv. (my family's house is near an american military base in seoul so it's possible to pick up their tv station with american shows in 100% ENGLISH! amazing!) i was watching one of my favorite discovery channel shows - deadliest catch - and she sat down on the couch next to me. after a few minutes i realized that she couldn't understand a word of what was being said on the screen...she was getting a small taste of what my life has been like this entire year. i gave her the remote to change the station to a korean show, but she insisted that i continue to watch my american show. so i took the opportunity to do my best at translating for her. i was able to explain to her things like "grandmother, a typhoon is coming so these fisherman have to work really quickly to collect their crab. they haven't slept in 2 days and they are so tired but they have to work very hard!" and "i always watched this show in america. it's really interesting so i like it a lot!" she really appreciated my efforts and i was encouraged by the exchange. it was a sweet moment of victory as i sat on the couch hand-in-hand with my grandma.

post-lasik, my eyes need a lot of rest so i'd better close this entry & shut down the computer for awhile. my thoughts are truly with all of you stateside folk this week as i long to have a few hours of sweet gluttony with my family...not to mention the post-food-fest turkey comas. :) i'll take heart in knowing that we will have next year to spend together. everyone please be well, travel safe, and count your blessings. i know that i have PLENTY to be thankful for in 2010! :)